Tips on surviving Christmas
Recently, in a supermarket, I overheard one woman saying to another "I always feel like divorcing my whole family at Christmas. I begin to wonder what on earth I'm doing with any of them. Seriously, this year I think I'm going to wrap myself up in brown paper and send myself off in the post to another family who appreciate me".
That struck me as really sad and an all too familiar feeling that many people have around Christmas.
A time when we hope to be loving and sharing and celebrating but so often end up squabbling and feeling let down.
With people thrown together with enforced jollity,thousands of families have heated words over Christmas and many relationships fall apart at this time of year.
So how do you avoid rows breaking out and make Christmas enjoyable for everyone this year, including yourself?
Here are some tips on keeping your cool.....
Breathe. Sounds pretty obvious I know but if things get too much then take a few moments for calm breathing. Take a breath in and then breathe out for longer. Keep breathing like this, with the out breath being longer until you feel your calmness returning. Think of it as 7/11 breathing. Breathing in for the count of 7 and out for 11. It's hard to feel uptight or anxious when you're breathing like this.
Dance or jump around. I know it may be the last thing that you feel like doing if things are going wrong but if you're feeling down in the dumps then jumping or dancing will really help. Physiologically this lifts the spirits and it's hard to feel miserable when you're leaping around as you'll get a rush of feel good serotonin.
Manage your expectations. Christmas brings with it the sense that everything needs to be wonderful with everyone getting along amazingly and not a soggy brussels sprout in sight. But will you feel disappointed if your ideal day doesn't happen? To feel in control imagine for a moment different scenarios that could happen and work out how you would deal with each one calmly in advance. When you're prepared for anything to happen you feel more in control.
Divide up jobs. It's easy for resentment to kick in, particularly if you're feeling sleep deprived and the only one working when others are putting their feet up. But most people like to feel needed and appreciated. Honestly! Ask Aunt Maud to peel the potatoes, the kids can lay the table and select Christmas music, Grandpa can pour the drinks.....
Compromise. Sometimes it's a challenge to keep everyone happy at Christmas. There are divided loyalties, which day should you see the in-laws, angst over why your teenage children would rather spend the evening with their friends than you?
Take yourself off for a few minutes, somewhere quiet, close your eyes and imagine seeing things through the others' eyes. How does it feel? What do you notice? What would need to happen to make things happier? In your mind, step right out of the situation as if you were an onlooker and see what you see without taking any sides.
Take a few moments for yourself. If things get stressful actually remove yourself physically from the situation for a while. Even if it's to sit on the loo. Have a few moments of peace and calm and see the situation as an observer.
Go outside. Whatever the weather's like, wrap up warmly and go out into the fresh air. It will re-energize you and having a change of scenery and space can diffuse many situations.
Go with the flow and laugh. Things don't always go as planned. Is it really the end of the world if the gravy's lumpy or the mince pies got forgotten in the oven?
Laugh. Or at least smile if you don't feel like laughing. Seeing the funny side of situations helps them lose their negative emotional impact. And smiling and laughing release endorphins round the body.
Sleep... zzzzzz. Sleep deprivation is a torture and if you haven't had enough then you're likely to be feeling touchy and vulnerable on Christmas Day. Give yourself credit if this is the case and see if there's anyway you can have a short nap somewhere to top yourself up.
Children. They're usually sleep deprived too, over-excited and overwhelmed with presents. Try and encourage enough sleep and spread presents out throughout the day. And encourage them outside to burn off energy.
Share some loving thoughts. Leaving a little note somewhere for each person about what you most love or appreciate about them, or the best time you've shared with them in the past or a wish for their future is one of the loveliest gifts you can give and will help people feel really special.
Giving. Something you hadn't thought of giving before, maybe inviting a lonely neighbour to lunch, or a gift of babysitting in the new year for a single parent. Giving gives us a lovely rush of endorphins, especially if someone's not expecting it. Try a Random Act of Kindness where no-one else but you knows what you've done.
Mind your language. And I don't mean avoiding swear words in front of Gran. Avoid using the words "never" or "always" unless you're giving a compliment. It goes down much better to tell someone you're annoyed because they left the giblets in the turkey, rather that saying "You're always useless" or "You never use your brain". Deal with the specific incident rather than it being a global complaint.
Wherever you are this Christmas, whoever you're with may I wish you the best Christmas ever filled with peace and love and no flying frozen turkeys in sight.